Another One Down

For over 50 years we have had Thanksgiving at the in-laws. They have never come to our house - not one time. I think I have figured out why. First, they don’t enjoy driving several hours as much as I do. And, if they came to my house, they would be the ones that would have to go home.

Next is the food. If we cooked, the turkey would taste like turkey and there would be a bowl of mashed potatoes on the table. This year, neither my financial controller nor number one daughter were allowed to bake the pies. That’s right, I had no pecan pie for Thanksgiving.

Last but not least, they know that I will tire of the whole event rather quickly and leave.

For Christmas I’m taking my own food and staying for a month.

PMO
©2013

Zoom - Gobble Gobble - Zoon

I will be driving, eating, and then driving again for the next couple of days.

Happy Thanksgiving

Things That Are Bad

As I have mentioned before, I am an observer by nature and training. And, I have been observing again. I agree with Yogi Berra, "You can observe a lot just by watching." How can you argue with that?

My observations have prompted me to come up with a list of things that are bad according to the world we live in today.

At the top of the list is Christianity. The mere mention of Jesus or having a Christian prayer is terribly offensive.

Being heterosexual is on the list of bad. One should at least support alternative lifestyles.

Not receiving food stamps is a bad thing. The number of recipients is a measure of how good the economy is.

Just mentioning guns is so bad you may get arrested or at least investigated. If you own a gun, that is the next worse bad you can do - second only to being Christian.

Marriage is another bad. Enlightened people don’t need marriage. The preferred way is to just live together until you find someone you like better and then live with them.

Not supporting abortions is terrible. The very idea of being pro-life is repulsive.

Working and being self reliant easily makes the bad list. Everyone knows that you must depend upon government and do what they tell you to do.

Not wanting to support those won’t work is extra bad. If you must work, you are bad if you don’t want to give what you earn to those poor souls who do depend upon government.

Questioning anything that government does is something one should not do. Never question the all knowing elite. They know what’s best for you.

I could go on and on, but maybe you get the idea. Being a white male, heterosexual, Christian that is self reliant, I now realize how bad I am.

I don’t intend to change.

PMO

©2013

Quips

Every now and then, I find little quips that strike me as funny.  From one of the emails I received:
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings by calling you stupid.  I thought you already knew."

And, my original for the week:  "My wife keeps my life insurance company on speed dial."

As Larry the cable guy would say, "I don't care who you are, that's funny."

PMO
©2013

Grazzing

If it tastes good, you should not eat it. In fact, the government has and is taking steps to see that you don't. The FDA has banned trans-fats and now they are after salt and sugar. It seems that nothing you eat is good for you. I am amazed that human kind survives at all. And, with the growing trend of new school lunch room menus, the children will soon just be placed outside to graze on the lawn.

I’ve seen what happens when cows eat grass.

You are going to need a lot of toilet paper - a lot.

PMO
©2013

The Calendar

I was checking my calendar - I don’t do anything without checking to see where I am supposed to be - and discovered the next couple of weeks hold some real treats. My truck has to go into the shop for some minor repairs. I hope they are minor. There’s an appointment with the internal medicine doctor. That’s the guy that gave me medication to help with leg cramps. When I checked out the medication, I discovered it is used for leg cramps, bipolar depression, myalgia, and a host of other ailments. I think ingrown toenails, warts, hemorrhoids, and bad breath were on the list. All I know is I have to take the drug at bedtime because it makes my mind fuzzier than it already is.

Next on the horizon is a trip to the in-laws for Thanksgiving. I expect that will be the usual joyous event where they turn up the TV as loud as it will go and then talk over it. What I go through for a little turkey, ham and pecan pie.

And, I see that I am scheduled for a colonoscopy. Who says I don’t have an exciting life? I go to doctors that I don’t want to see because they don’t do anything to help me. I take medication that is only a slight relief, but with crazy side effects. And, then I get to have a procedure that is a real pain in the rear, in more ways than one.

Have you ever noticed that proctologist and plumbers don’t bite their finger nails?

PMO
©2013

What I Said

The English language is hard to learn because it constantly changes. Sometimes I say things that make my granddaughters wonder, what the heck I’m talking about. Even my son-in-law misses a beat on some of the terms. So as a public service to the younger generation and new English speakers, I have a few old colloquialisms that I will explain.

Half a bubble short of plumb simply means that someone is a order of fries short of a happy meal. And, to pin the ears back means to go really fast. When a horse hits top speed, his ears lay back.

Light a shuck is faster than pining the ears back. When you let corn shucks dry and burn them, they go up in a puff of smoke.

Rode hard and put away wet simply means that someone has exhausted themselves and is overly tired and sweaty.

Plum tuckered has nothing to do with plums. Again it refers to being really tired.

Tall drink of water refers to someone that is very tall. Has nothing to do with drinking water.

And, a smooth mouth is not a dental term. It translates to being able to talk anyone out of or into just about anything.

Meaner than a junk yard dog means exactly that.

PMO
©2013

Sitting

For a few days this week I have to do some grandkids, granddogs, and house sitting. That means that everyone is out of town except me, and I’m still not in charge. I don’t understand why it is called "sitting."

You hardly ever get to sit.

PMO
©2013

JFK

This year marks the 50^th anniversary of the assassination President John F. Kennedy. I remember the day. November 22, shortly after noon came the word that the President had been shot.

As he is remembered, his famous quote will be repeated, "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask, what you can do for your country."

About half the population today has no idea what that means.

PMO
©2013

Dog Saga Continues

Have you ever seriously considered why anyone would want a dog? Other than being watch dogs, the ones I’ve had have been watch dogs, what good are they? All they do is eat and poop on everything. If they can’t pee or poop on it, they chew it up. My financial controller says the new dog is a lot of company. I’m not? And, I don’t want any extra company.

I try to do my part in taking care of the dog, which seems to be a majority share. To take some of the energy out of the little beggar, I take her for runs along side the golf cart. She learned to run beside the cart in just one trip. Yes, she is on a leash, although I am thinking about trying it without the leash. I think I can get away from her on a long run. She’s a sprinter.

Really, dogs are a lot of trouble. They provide no real service and you can’t eat them. Well, some cultures do. They've figured out there’s not much else dogs are good for.

Find the soy sauce. Here puppy, here puppy.

PMO
©2013

Pan Fried

Usually I grill steaks on the weekend. However, since I only use a charcoal grill, I sometimes, like when it’s raining, don’t want to fight the hassle. So I went out to the web to find tricks on cooking ribeye steaks on the stove top. Yes, I have tried this before. That’s why I went looking for ideas.

There are no less than a million ways to cook steaks inside. I have discarded the idea of cooking in the oven. What I have concluded is that you need a cast iron skillet, some olive oil, coarse salt, fresh ground black pepper, garlic or garlic salt, butter, and a fire extinguisher. The trick seems to be using a really hot skillet and not turning the meat but once. Cooking time varies for the doneness you want. And, finally you let the steaks "rest." I just thought dragging the grill out was a lot of trouble.

I think the grandchildren will like P&B sandwiches just as well.

PMO
©2013

Top Ten

The brainz.org website has posted the ten most common addictions. Some of them you can guess easily, but there may be a surprise or two, and you may be an addict.

Not surprising, alcohol, smoking, and drug addiction are there. Technically a smoker is not addicted to cigarettes but to nicotine. Gambling when it becomes compulsive is an addiction.

Stand back from the screen, you may show up in the next ones. Food can be an addiction, when it is used as a way to deal with feelings or sadness, depression, or anxiety. Then, there’s video games. When video games intrude on your life, you have a problem. As, is the case with addiction to the internet. If you get upset when you are not able to be online, you need to reboot yourself.

Sex addiction may be more common than one would think. I mean, just watching TV can get you hooked, because that’s all that is on - no matter the program. Shopping for some people is an all too real problem. Like the others, this can lead to financial problems and relationships.

Finally, here’s one that I would hate to have. Work addiction. I know people that are compulsive workers. They never stop working, even when they are off. It is an obsession.

The interesting thing about the list is that everyone knows someone that possesses one or more of the addictions. Most of the time, there are one or more in every family.

I would add the "Nanny" addiction. They are obsessed with telling anyone and everyone what to do and how to do it. There seems to be an epidemic of this one.

Now you have it, a list of the most common addictions.

Check with your nanny to see which one(s) you can have.

PMO
©2013

Prez Sez - Again

Will Rogers said that he didn’t tell jokes, he just watch congress and reported on what they did. If he were alive today, he would have an endless supply of material, especially with Obama. In case you missed it, the Prez now sez that he is generously giving everyone another year before their healthcare coverage is cancelled and they are forced to buy what they don’t want at a higher price. He did not admit that he lied about you being able to keep your current coverage and/or doctor.

Politics would be the funniest show around if it weren’t so expensive and cause the populous so much grief. What Obama said in his speech about not cancelling your policy for another year sounded like, "I’m still going to castrate you, but I’m giving you a year to think about it."

Better sleep with one eye open while you think about that.

PMO
©2013

Reagan

Ronald Reagan was a smart man. In one of his speeches he pointed out one of the easiest ways to control people was to control heath care. Then, he pointed out that if you control health care, you control doctors. To be fair, each doctor would have a limited number of patients. And, they would have to practice where the government wanted them, not where they wanted to live and work.

The former President went on to say, that if you control medical services, including doctors, the it is a short step to controlling where your kid goes to school and finally what job he or she will work at.

Was Regan smarter than you? Not really. He just studied history and applied it to what this country is doing today.

You say, you will wait and see.

Too late.

PMO
©2013

Acceleration

Every now and then, I get an email that is impressive.  The following is one of those.  Even if you don't like dragsters or racing or cars, read this.  You just may be impressed.

Acceleration explained.........

Ever wonder why a Top Fuel dragster gets a rebuilt engine after each run?

Stay with this- even if you aren't a 'car nut', this is stunning.

One Top Fuel dragster outfitted with a 500 cubic-inch replica Dodge (actually Keith Black, etc) Hemi engine makes more horsepower (8,000 HP) than the first 4 rows of cars at NASCAR's Daytona 500.

　
Under full throttle, a dragster engine will consume 11.2 gallons of nitro methane per second;
a fully loaded Boeing 747 consumes jet fuel at the same rate but with 25% less energy being produced.　

A stock Dodge Hemi V8 engine cannot produce enough power to merely drive the dragster's supercharger.　

With 3000 CFM of air being rammed in by the supercharger on overdrive, the fuel mixture is compressed into a near-solid form before ignition. Cylinders run on the verge of hydraulic lockup at full throttle.　

At the stoichio metric 1.7:1 air/fuel mixture for nitro methane the flame front temperature measures 7050 degrees F.　

Nitro methane burns yellow. The spectacular white flame seen above the stacks at night is raw burning hydrogen, dissociated from atmospheric water vapor by the searing exhaust gases.　
Dual magnetos supply 44 amps to each spark plug. Which is typically the output of an electric arc welder in each cylinder.　

Spark plug electrodes are totally consumed during a pass. After 1/2 way thru the run, the engine is 'dieseling' from compression and the glow of the exhaust valves at 1400 degrees F. The engine can only be shut down by cutting the fuel flow.　

If the spark momentarily fails early in the run, unburned nitro builds up in the affected cylinders and then explodes with enough sufficient force to blow the cylinder heads off the block in pieces or split the block in half !!　

Dragsters reach over 300 MPH +... before you have completed reading this sentence.　

In order to exceed 300 MPH in 4.5 seconds, a dragster must accelerate an average of over 4 G's. In order to reach 200 MPH well before reaching half-track, at launch the acceleration approaches 8 G's.

　
Top Fuel engines turn approximately 540 revolutions from light to light!　

Including the burnout, the engine must only survive 900 revolutions under load.　
The redline is actually quite high at 9500 RPM.　

THE BOTTOM LINE: Assuming all the equipment is paid for, the pit crew is working for free,
& NOTHING BLOWS UP, each run will cost an estimated $1,000 per second.　

0 to 100 MPH in .8 seconds (the first 60 feet of t he run)　
0 to 200 MPH in 2.2 seconds (the first 350 feet of the run)　
6 g-forces at the starting line (nothing accelerates faster on land)　
6 negative g-forces upon deployment of twin 'chutes at 300 MPH

An NHRA Top Fuel Dragster accelerates quicker than any other land vehicle on earth . .
quicker than a jet fighter plane . . . quicker than the space shuttle....or snapping your fingers !!　
The current Top Fuel dragster elapsed time record is 4.420 seconds for the quarter-mile (2004, Doug Kalitta).　

The top speed record is 337.58 MPH as measured over the last 66' of the run (2005, Tony Schumacher).　Let's now put this all into perspective:　

Imagine this...........You are driving a new $140,000 Lingenfelter twin-turbo powered Corvette Z-06. Over a mile up the road, a Top Fuel dragster is staged & ready to 'launch' down a quarter-mile s trip as you pass. You have the advantage of a flying start. You run the 'Vette hard, on up through the gears and blast across the starting line & pass the dragster at an honest 200 MPH.... The 'tree' goes green for both of you at that exact moment. The dragster departs & starts after you. You keep your foot buried hard to the floor, and suddenly you hear an incredibly brutally screaming whine that seares and pummels your eardrums & within a mere 3 seconds the dragster effortlessly catches & passes you.　He beats you to the finish line, a quarter-mile away from where you just passed him. Think about it – from a standing start, the dragster had spotted you 200 MPH.....and it not only caught, but nearly blasted you off the planet when he passed you within a mere 1320 foot long race !!!!　

That, my friends.....is acceleration.

PMO
©2013

Veterans Day

I hope you celebrated Veterans Day with someone you enjoy. I did. And, I appreciated the young man that worked the carving station at our noon buffet asking, "Are you a veteran?" My reply was a simple, "Yes." Then he said, "Thank you for your service."

One might ask why, anyone would be a soldier. A soldier would ask anyone, "Why would you not?"

PMO
©2013

Rerun

Since Obamacare is technically a tax - Supreme Court - I thought I would rerun this little tidbit from 2010.  If they ever get the website working, look for a Fat Tax coming soon.

Stop! Don’t eat that cup cake, candy bar or slice of pie. It’s coming. The fat tax. Say What! There has been much discussion about obesity in this country. Now the government is trying to determine who should take action to stop it. Obviously the citizens are not doing a good job.

Every year, billions of dollars are spent on health care for obesity related health problems. That’s reason enough for government intervention. However, as in past health matters, people just don’t want to stop whatever it is they are doing. So, what is the solution? Taxes!! Cigarettes and booze are taxed - cigarettes at a shameful level. Have people stopped smoking and drinking? No.

It’s really okay if people don’t stop whatever government doesn’t want them to do so long as they pay the tax. If fat people want to be fat, then they have to pay!

That brings up questions - how do you determine who is over weight; at what rate should the tax be; how do you tell the tax has been paid and a host of other unknowns?

I have some suggestions. First, we need an official looking weight chart. You know, the kind with height and weight. It doesn’t have to consider any factors except what some Nanny wants to think is acceptable.

Next, we will need a tax rate. How about a dollar per pound as determined by the Nanny approved chart. So, if a person is fifty pounds overweight, a $50.00 tax would be assessed. That doesn’t seem like too much, but that would have to be per month or even per week. Now we are talking tax revenue!

Of course, we will have to have proof that the tax has been paid. Perhaps, a sticker that is issued at your local government funded tax office. The sticker could be good for thirty days, then you have to be weighed again - just in case you gained some more weight. You, the shameful person, would have to wear the sticker in a conspicuous place - like on your forehead or your behind. That way, everyone would know you had paid your fair share.

If this all sounds ridiculous, absolutely absurd and just down right stupid, then you better start losing some weight. Who knows what the official chart will say about you.

I sure hope they don’t implement an ugly tax. It could wipe me out.

PMO
©2010

Dipping Sauce

A few years ago, I concocted a barbeque sauce that is out of this world. Just as soon as I finish posting this, I’m going to make some. The ingredients are top secret, but I will tell you that they include ketchup, vinegar and spices. Now all you have to do is figure out what the combination is.

The sauce is actually a dip. You don’t pour it onto meat, you dip meat into it. It is a little thinner than water and some meats require that you soak a bit before taking a bite. Since I am a self-proclaimed barbeque sauce expert, I truly believe mine is the best yet, but there is a place in South Texas that gets a close second.

If you are one of those people that has no idea what I’m talking about, then you may as well quit reading and go munch a head of lettuce or some other rabbit food. For true barbeque lovers, the sauce is what gives the meat the "zing."

Mine is extra ‘zingy."

PMO
©2013

What Have Youo Had?

One of the problems with going to a new doctor is that they want you to see other specialist. I don’t like other specialist. In fact, I don’t like going to doctors at all. It has been my experience that none of them knows much about Lyme disease, so they really aren’t going to help me. I get nothing out of going and they make a house payment, car payment and maybe buy that new boat they’ve always wanted.

Back to going to new doctors. They all have a list of items they want you to check if you’ve had this or that. The items range from heart attacks to STDs. Some of these list can be two or three pages long. My favorite on the lists is dementia. If you have dementia, how are you going to remember what you have had?

Next time I have to fill out one of these forms, I’m going to check dementia and nothing else.

Let’s see what they do with that.

PMO
©2013

CMA Tweet Tweet

By now you should know about the Country Music Awards being tweeted by a million complaining tweets about a parody on Obamacare performed by Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley. My first reaction is why would the media give any attention at all to this. Acknowledgment only encourages the people that do such things. Again, as Ron White says, "You can’t fix stupid." So, why encourage them.

The profanity laced messages wished death, AIDS, and cancer upon the performers and others. Now, that’s revealing about the mentality of the senders. Obamacare does not and probably will never work. Yet, these people are livid over a little parody.

Since I don’t tweet, I have an open question. "How many of the million have signed up for Obamacare?" Can’t be very many since the enrollment programs don’t work.

And, whose paying for the devices they use to send the tweets?

Wait until they find out that Obamacare ain’t free.

PMO
©2013

Bad Bugs

Back in the day - about 30 years ago - computer viruses weren’t much of a problem. Today, you can get wiped out in seconds. Over the years, I’ve had to fight a few on my machine and others that I try to keep up with. But, the bad guys or gals, are getting tougher.

Now, instead of just simple viruses, trojans, worms, moles or whatevers, there are some that lock up all your files and hold them ransom. I’m talking real ransom. They encrypt your files and then charge you to get the "key" to unlock them. The ones I know of have had to pay $300 or suffer losing all their files.

Prevention still includes an anti-virus, firewall, and all that standard stuff, and even that is often not enough. Backing up your files everyday is critical.  Since most of this stuff gets in via an email, the best approach is not to open emails from anyone that you don’t know. Sometimes, that’s not going to protect you. Your friends may infect your system and not know it, because they forward email containing the virus.

The solution to not getting hit by one of the bad bugs is simple. Turn off your computer and unplug it.

That’ll be $300 for a tech service call.

PMO
©2013

OOPS

At the insistence of my financial controller and ace number one daughter, I went to a new doctor. They are a lot more concerned about my chronic Lyme disease than I am. I’ve had the disease since 1987 and have learned to just accept it - most of the time. Yes, I am usually in pain or feel like I’m having a heart attack, but that’s what I get for going hunting and getting bit by a tick.

The new doc informed me that "they," being the medical community that he travels with, do not completely accept Lyme disease as being the result of a tick bite. So, he treats the symptoms, just like he would Myalgia. They must not have deer ticks in Mississippi where he went to school.

It may not be real, but it did put me into a hospital for four days, taking massive doses of antibiotics and having doctors think I was going to die. Medical science sure does move slowly.

He and I did agree that I do have OOPS.

Ornery Old People Syndrome.

PMO
©2013

Top This

Grumpy old men, like to talk about what they have done. Well, it’s going to be hard to top George Thorton. Mr. Thorton died October 27 at the age of 84. He was an Oregon highway department engineer for 37 years. What did he do? He blew up a dead whale.

Back in 1970, when the highway department was responsible for the beaches in Oregon, a 45 foot long, sperm whale, estimated to weigh 8 tons washed up on the beach near Florence. It started to stink and residents demanded something be done.

Mr. Thorton determined they couldn’t push it back into the ocean. It would just wash back. They couldn’t bury it because the waves would uncover it. And, they couldn’t burn it. So, George talked to the Navy and they suggested that he blow it up. Scatter it into small pieces so the fish and crabs could eat it. So he did.

He took 1000 pounds of dynamite and blew up the dead whale with approximately 75 spectators gathered about a quarter mile away to watch. They all thought it was fun until they started getting covered with whale goo. News reports said that one chunk was large enough to crush the top of a car.

I can just hear a bunch of old men touting their accomplishments and then George says, "I blew up a dead whale."

This story has inspired me to do something memorable in life. If I had some dynamite, I’d blow up some alive squirrels.

PMO
©2013

Big Happenings

There are big happenings around the old homestead. I’m talking major events. First, the gas station just down the road got new gas pumps. That’s a big deal if you have ever tried to get fuel there. I limit my purchases there to gas for my lawn mower and fishing worms or minnows. Don’t try the sushi, even if it’s on sale.

Our not to far supermarket also has made significant improvements. They not only got new pumps, they rebuilt their whole gas stop. My financial planner is particularly impressed with their new digital sign.

And, the only drive up dinning establishment has two corn dogs for one dollar.

Who says nothing exciting ever happens around here?

PMO
©2013

Daylight Again

Twice every year I complain about daylight saving time. And, as usual, no one does anything to change it. I don’t care which way it goes, just put it one way and leave it alone. I still think the SPCA should get involved and force the government to go to standard time. There is no telling how many roosters are suffering from PDTS - Post Daylight Time Syndrome. Poor roosters get up early to crow and find everyone in the summer already up. Roosters have feeling too, you know.

So long as I am writing about stupid stuff the government does, have you heard about Brian Kelsey, a Republican State Senator from Tennessee? He sent Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius a gift that made her angry. A copy of "Web Sites for Dummies." I may move to Tennessee so I can vote for him.

Do they have daylight time there?

PMO
©2013

Taxed While You Drive

First the governments wanted more fuel efficient vehicles. Now, they want to overcome less taxes because of fuel efficiency. Funds for highways and roads comes from taxes on fuel. When you reduce the amount of fuel, you reduce the amount of taxes. Duh!

The state of Oregon reportedly has 5,000 drivers that will soon pay a tracking device mileage based tax in lieu of a gas tax. New York city has an idea on how to enhance the tracking device by allowing automatic payment of parking fees and per-mile insurance. Nevada, another state piloting such a project has warned that it would be easy to turn the mileage tracking devices into full fledged tracking devices. Just when you figured out how to hide from drones, they get you when you leave your driveway.

If they adopt this in Texas, I’m going to drive everywhere I go in reverse.

They will owe me money when they check my miles.

PMO
©2013