Haircut

I did not know that a haircut could be racist. Yep, that’s the problem the military has now. Some folks are upset that they can’t have "ethnic" hairstyles. When I was in the Army, everything was one size fits all, including haircuts.

In an all volunteer Army, don’t people understand that when you join up, you have to play by the rules? When we had the draft, you had to play by the rules, but you could complain. It wouldn’t do you any good, but you could complain.

They should take the complainers to the woman that cuts my hair. She takes no prisoners.

But it usually grows back in a few weeks - in most places.

PMO
©2014

Freedom Of Speech

The 1^st Amendment guarantees citizens freedom of speech without government interference. The NBA makes no such guarantee.

Now you know.

PMO
©2014

What's Not

Fights cavities, fights tartar, whitens and brightens are just a few of the terms on a tube of toothpaste. What’s not said is, in the fight against cavities and tartar, does it win? How many tubes does it take to whiten and brighten? And, how about clinically tested. Well, what were the conditions and the results of those test? Who brushes their teeth like a lab experiment?

And, then there are those weight loss programs or products. Endorsed by Oprah or on the Oprah show. What does that mean? It means Oprah got paid. Wether you will lose weight or not is a mystery. Chances are you will not. Here’s a tip, weight loss pills, clinically tested, do not work for 99.9% of those that take them. But it is a billion dollars business.

Next time you grab a product for what it says on the label and then are disappointed by your results, don’t feel bad. You just didn’t know what was not on the package.

Those that make the products like it that way.

PMO
©2014

Mind Boggling

The original seven wonders of the world are :Great Pyramid of Giza, Hanging Gardens of Babylon, Statue of Zeus at Olympia, Temple of Artemis at Ephesus, Mausoleum at Halicarnassus, Colossus of Rhodes, and the Lighthouse of Alexandria.

The only one that remains is the Great Pyramid, but they were all the mind bogglers of their time. As usual, I have my own wonder of the world. Why would anyone watch the Halmark channel? It’s a mind boggling thing.

It’s my financial controllers favorite channel.

PMO

©2014

Mr. T

I found out this week that my friend, Mr. T, has cancer. He is now in the test, wait and see stage. The doctors haven’t determined yet if the cancer has spread and if so, to the bones. And, of course the prognosis will determine the treatment.

Mr. T is a tough old bird, so I expect that he will handle whatever happens.

When he was an Army first lieutenant artillery commander in Vietnam, he had a problem with a Marine Corps colonel. The Marines had an outpost near by and would randomly fire mortars every night to keep the enemy off guard. The problem was that the shells often fell into the Army compound. Mr. T called the colonel and explained the problem, but the higher ranking officer wasn’t interested in his problem. Then he said, "Sir, you have a flag pole in front of your tent. If we get any mortar shells tonight, that flag pole won’t be there in the morning."

I expect he will be just as tough with the cancer.

PMO
©2014

Stop The World

There is an old saying, "If they stop the world, I’ll get off." Well, if they just slow it down a little, I’ll jump off. It’s been one two of those days. Everybody has bad days. Lately I seem to have more than my share.

First, the reason there was no post yesterday was because the ISP was down - again. That’s 300 times in the past 30 days. They are giving me a credit for a whole month - whoopie. I’ve eaten up that much in antacids.

Then, I went to the mail box and there was a credit card bill with a charge we didn’t make. Credit card fraud they call it. With a little investigation, the card company informed me that another charge had been made and would not show up until the next billing cycle. Because we live in a rural area, I had to call the sheriff’s department only to be told that it would be a week or two before a detective would call me back. Now, I know why credit card theft is so lucrative. It will be months before anyone tries to find you - if then?

And, as much as I hate (hate is a too mild) yard work, I got on the riding mower and promptly ran over a sprinkler head.

Those are the highlights. I can’t tell you about the bad stuff.

PMO
©2014

S S

Beginning in September, workers older than 25 will begin receiving Social Security benefits statements again, every 5 years. The practice was discontinued to save money and the environment, but only 6% of workers are currently signed up to get theirs online.

The Social Security benefits statement is that little tidbit of information about how much you should receive if you work until a certain age and maintain a certain level of pay. The most important thing to look for is the earnings record, because it shows how much you have made each year. Be sure it is correct or you may get shorted on benefits. And, speaking of shorted, you may want to note this bit of information, "The law governing benefit amounts may change because, by 2033, the payroll taxes collected will be enough to pay only about 77% of scheduled benefits." Does that mean that people that never paid into the system will get their benefits cut too.

Don’t count on it.

PMO
©2014

Male/Female

Sage Santangelo, a female second lieutenant complains that the Marine Corps is not treating women fairly in the testing for infantry officers. She contends that she failed on the first day of the Infantry Officer Course because she wasn’t prepared by the Corps to pass the test. I might mention that 26 men also failed on the same day.

The problem appears to be that male and females are different, when it comes to physical skills one must have in a combat role. Even in the annual physical exam, women must do 3 pull ups compared to 20 for males. That’s because women do not have physical strengths that men have. Oh, sure you might find one or two that could meet the standards for men. In a combat role, it gets real important real fast to be physically able to do task required. Your life and the lives of others depend upon it. Guess what? Your enemy isn’t going to give you a pass just because you are female.

Those that cry foul on the training policies scream that women are just as strong as men. They have the strength to go through child birth. That isn’t real important when you’re trying to climb an obstacle to reach cover from being shot.

In case you’ve not noticed, men and women are different. They were created that way for a reason.

It’s the difference that makes the difference in a marriage too.

PMO
©2014

Typical Day

When you have a job, you can plan what you will do each day, and usually it works out. The goal is to get the job done. It does not work that way in retirement. At least not for me. And, before you think it, I do know that I’m supposed to be in my golden years where I get to enjoy myself. That’s funny.

On this particular day, I planned to go to the auto store and get some mirrors for my golf cart and work on some financial matters. Simple little tasks that need to be done. But, then the reminder that I have to water the plants, mulch the leaves and put them on the plants, repair loose tiles that I’ve been trying to get done for weeks, mow the lawn, edge the lawn, paint the office, pick out and have installed new flooring for the office, get rid of a sofa and two room size rugs, clean the garage, and return some pants that don’t fit.

So, I got out the water hose and put it down because I really need to run the mulching machine first. I started the mower, tried to lift the sofa, got out the tile repair materials, found the edger and power cord, tripped over the rugs and tried on the pants one more time. I have to go and put the lid on the paint so it doesn’t dry out. To heck with the mower, let it run out of gas.

I can’t wait until tomorrow to see what doesn’t get done.

PMO
©2014

He's Alive

Easter is the most high Holy Day for Christians, because it is the day when Jesus, the Christ, rose from the grave.  A miracle of miracles.  If you don't believe in miracles, you may want to examine what you believe.  I have seen a miracle.  A real, unexplainable miracle.

Happy Easter

Azaleas

Do you have any idea how many different azalea plants there are? I do now. After walking 47 miles to the back of a very large nursery near here, I got to load a cart full of the plants. We’re talking a cart load. And, we’re talking a pull cart, like they used to build the pyramids.

So, now I have planted all the azaleas I ever want to plant. After preparing the beds, that means digging, and mixing in a soil mix for shrubs, I dug enough holes to bury a large ship. All that is left is to see how long it takes before they die. With my green thumb it won’t be long.

A rock died while I was digging it up.

PMO
©2014

Landscaping

There are about two trillion things that I am not good at. Yes, I keep a running count. Near the top of the list is landscaping. When it comes to shrubs, flowers, and all that stuff, I can’t grow rocks. This information is be sure you understand why I don’t like getting to be the one to have to do landscaping.

The house we have has a bunch of stuff that needs to be replaced. The shrubs and plants are dead, dying, or have taken over the entire neighborhood. I think the original design must have been done someone with my skills. And, my financial controller wants azaleas. If it blooms, it is best for me not to touch it.

I can grow tomatoes, onions, peppers and weeds.

She doesn’t think any of those will work.

PMO
©2014

The Truth

My friend, The Rite Reverend, Doctor Wild Bill, of the First Get Down With Your Bad Self Church of What’s Happening Now has retired. He writes a blog. I read his blog more often than he reads mine. But, now he is concerned if anyone reads his writings. Naturally his focus is on spreading the truth. I don’t have such silly limitations, but that’s another story.

The truth is that 81% of Americans think the Prez lies. Duh. He is a politician. That’s what politicians do. More truth is that people get into politics, not to serve the people, but to have power over the people and make themselves rich. And the truth is, as usual, stranger than fiction. If the Prez were allowed to run again, he would be re-elected.

Truth hurts doesn’t it.

PMO
©2014

Root Beer

First, let me assure you that I don’t drink root beer. It’s just one of those drinks that I never acquired a taste for it. But, as with most things, there is always an exception. For you old people, some may remember A&W Root Beer stands. Some had drive-in service, where they brought out your food and a big frosty mug of root beer. And, there were a few where you walked up to get what you wanted.

Yes, I know that you can buy A&W in a bottle, but that’s the root beer I don’t like. Maybe you had to be there, but on a hot summer day, one could drive up and get a frosty mug and as long as it lasted, all was well with the world. Maybe we need to bring back A&W stands.

Couldn’t hurt anything and it just might make a lot of people smile.

PMO
©2014

Chicken Corsage

Just when I think all the crazy ideas have been done, I am wrong again. If you haven’t heard, KFC now has for that special someone at the prom, a chicken corsage. It’s a wrist corsage of baby’s breath with a chicken drumstick attached on top. The limited, only 100, corsage costs $20 but comes with a $5 KFC card so you can customize it with Original Recipe, Extra Crispy, or Kentucky Grilled Chicken. I am not making this up. The corsages are offered by a florist in Louisville, Kentucky. Imagine the look on your prom date’s face when you open the box.

Wouldn’t a bucket of chicken be even better? Extra Crispy.

PMO
©2014

Bandana Bashed

We attended the Bandana Bash and it was not what I expected. Even my financial controller was disappointed and she likes almost every social event. We dressed in jeans and western shirts with bandanas. Guess what? Nobody wore bandanas. Well a few did. I took mine off so as not to appear weird.

The invitation also said, western music and cowboy ‘grub.’ I don’t think the band knew any country music. If they did, they kept it to themselves. And, I don’t know a single cowboy that eats chicken tenders and mashed potatoes. How would you keep chickens on a chuck wagon?

Might want to keep an eye on the cook.

PMO
©2014

More Old Coot

If you drop something onto the floor, get down on your knees to retrieve it, and look around to see if there is anything else you need to do while you’re there - you might be an old coot.

If you decide that you can replace a missing shingle on the roof, but are pooped by the time you get out the ladder - you might be an old coot.

If the ladder is still leaned up against the house three years later - you might be an old coot.

If you turn off your hearing aids off just so you can’t hear your spouse - you might be an old coot.

If you don’t go anywhere that you can’t be within 15 feet of a restroom - you might be an old coot.

If young people refer to you as "quaint." - you might be an old coot.

If you don’t have any enemies because you’ve out lived them all - you might be an old coot.

If you spend hours watching Bonanza and Gunsmoke reruns - you might be an old coot.

If you can still play 18 holes of golf, but it takes three days - you might be an old coot.

If your 1999 Buick has less than 10,000 miles - you might be an old coot.

PMO
©2014

Bandanas

In our little commune, there are lots of theme parties. Lots of them. All of them are a bunch of really old people trying to remember their youth. The trick is not to get invited. However we are invited to the Bandana Bash. There is supposed to be country music and cowboy "grub." The part that scares me is that there is no mention of the attire, just bandanas. If I show up and if everyone is wearing only a bandana, I’m going to tie mine across my eyes.

Imagine the horror of trying to feel your way out of the building.

PMO
©2014

More From The Home Front

I do hope that the rest of the world is like East Texas, but I doubt it. After yesterday’s post, I have discovered other events that cause one to stop and wonder.

My neighbor, old weird Harold, told me that a lady that lived next door to him had a big tree in the front yard. One night, a big storm came through the area and blew the tree down. The way the tree fell, it blocked about half of the street. So, some of the men in the neighborhood, including Harold, got their saws and proceeded to cut the tree up and move it out of the street. When the woman in the house realized what was going on, she came out and chewed out the whole bunch for tearing up her tree.

Then there’s the man that sent a message to the community communication about snakes. Seems he is "covered up" in snakes. He wants someone to come and thin them out. He commented that it wasn’t that he did not like snakes, he just has too many.

My advice to anyone that moves here is to stay in your house, no matter what happens.

PMO

©2014

Truth Is Funnier Than Fiction

There is an old joke about a golfer that stopped and removed his hat while a funeral procession passed nearby while he was playing golf. The others in the group commented about how nice he gesture was. He replied, "Yes, we would have been married 30 years next week."

As I have mentioned before, I volunteer as administrator of a communication system for the community where we live. The system is designed to inform members of items for sale, activities, and that sort of stuff.

You need to know that this is a golf community. Everything revolves around our private golf course. These people literally eat, drink, and think golf. Today, I got a message to post that confirms how serious they are.

One of the members, I’ll call him Ray died, and a nice lady sent out a notice that there would be a celebration of his life at our community church next Thursday at 10:00 a.m.. Then she added, "I know that next Thursday is a busy day. There is the ladies golf tournament in the morning and a mixed couples tournament in the afternoon. But, if you have time, please stop by the church and pay your respects to the widow as she goes through this time of transition." I’m guessing Ray should have waited a couple of weeks before he died. He might have gotten a better turnout.

I did not make this up.

PMO
©2014

Make A Law

Listening to a talk radio show, I heard one caller suggest that people in "Weapons Free Zones" like the Pennsylvania high school where a 16 year stabbed 20 people, should follow the government suggestions to use what ever is available - staplers, pencils, books, etc to defend themselves. The host asked a simple question, "How did that work out in this situation?" Then he asked, "How has that plan worked in other attacks?" Think about it. If you find yourself in a situation where a deranged person has a weapon and you have a stapler, what do you think the outcome is going to be?

We just need a law that makes being stupid a felony offense. But then, we would have to build a lot of jails.

Maybe we could just put up razor wire around half the country.

PMO
©2014

Volunteer

I do volunteer work for three organizations. The number one lesson I’ve learned is that you just can’t herd cats. They wonder in all directions, but come running when it’s meal time. In other words, a volunteer gets little or no help, but is expected to get the job done and gets blamed for anything and everything.

Why don’t I remember what I learned in the Army? Never volunteer for anything! But, even then I volunteered if I thought there was something in it for me. Like when, I would volunteer to load ammo on to trucks because I got to ride in a truck instead of walking miles and miles. Sure there was a chance the truck might explode, but that beat walking. Sometimes, you take your chances and it pays off.

Not this time.

PMO
©2014

Driving

I don’t drive a lot anymore, about 10,000 miles per year. But, in East Texas, that is too much. I think there should be special driving classes for a whole lot of drivers here, and I have a few suggestions on the topics that deserve attention.

First, there should be an entire day on traffic lights. Green means go and red means stop. Yellow means get out of the way because those that don’t go on green, wait until the light turns yellow. These simple instructions should be repeated for hours and then a pass/fail test before going on to the next day.

At least for half of the second day, another traffic light instruction would focus on not stopping for green lights, but do stop for red ones.

Then, there’s the need to teach drivers not to pull out in front of someone on a 60 mph highway. And, if it is a four land, not to go all the way to the left lane. Special emphasis should be placed on not continuing at 30 mph after you pull out in front of another vehicle.

Some time needs to be devoted to those drivers that are going to make a left turn, but do not use the turn lane provided on most four lane roads. Also, the turn lane is not a drive along lane until you decide if you want to turn or just pull out in front of someone traveling in the other two lanes.

Finally they should be given a special test and if they fail, no more driving - not even a lawn tractor. The test is simple. Just spell the following word. You get only one try.

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

PMO
©2014

Message To GOP

The Grand Old Party - Republicans - needs to quit playing defense. Get real. Everyone knows what you are against, but who, pray tell, knows what your plans for America are. I for one am sick of hearing about what the liberal democrats are doing to the country. I would welcome a plan that truly and honestly is intended to get things back on track, financially, morally and with one common goal to restore the America that the world depends upon. I suggest a simple united plan.

Repeal and restore.

PMO
©2014

VIP

If you could go anywhere in the world and be treated like a real VIP, where would you go? Perhaps the world’s most expensive hotel or restaurant? How about to Blue Bell Creameries in Brenham, Texas? That’s where our special needs granddaughter went this week, to be welcomed as a very important person. As part of her birthday celebration, my daughter arranged for her to get some special treatment at the place that may be a little bit of heaven on earth.

Granddaughter has her room decorated in Blue Bell Ice Cream items. She also has Blue Bell shirts and other stuff. Anytime she sees a Blue Bell truck, she points it out to everyone. To say that she loves the ice cream is an understatement. She is on the email list to get all the new flavors when they are announced. She is the one that put me on to "Lemon Bliss", a flavor that is now out of general distribution. So, now I am stuck with "Banana Split", "Orange Swirl", "I Love Chocolate" and "Cherry Vanilla." I will muddle through.

Upon arrival at the tour registration, my daughter gave them her name and the young man at the counter immediately gave her tour passes for the family, at no cost. Then he called someone and said, "They are here." Selected greeters came to meet them. The director of human resources came to greet granddaughter. And, they had a special room decorated just for her to receive special gifts including a framed certificate with her name that designated her as "Blue Bell’s Number One Fan." Boy, did they get that right. She is a firm believer in their slogan, "We eat all we can and sell the rest."

Thank you Blue Bell for the special treatment for a special person. I must tell you that she now has a lot of Duck Dynasty items in her room too.

If Willie, Phil, Jase, Miss Kay or Si show up at her house, you can be sure, they will get a bowl of Blue Bell.

©2014

Directions

My teenage granddaughter needed me to transport her to a church today that I had never been to. So, I did the stupid thing and asked, "How do we get there?" She replied, "I thought you knew." Being the mean grumpy old man that I am, I responded, "If I knew I wouldn’t ask you."

She directed me through the country road route. I don’t know why there is a church there, God can’t possibly find His way there the way we went. So, I came back a different way using my sense of direction and a sign that pointed to somewhere I knew. It was a straight road with only one stop sign where you have to make turn onto a highway that lead me back to my house.

I bet that’s the way God goes to get there.

PMO

©2014

Trash Bags

I read in the Dallas Morning News a few days ago that the city council passed an ordinance to charge five cents per plastic bag provided to shoppers. The measure was taken instead of banning the bags. Naturally, the charge will stop people from littering. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Does this mean that when you shop at the grocery and it takes ten bags to hold your purchase, it will cost you half a buck? Yep. Who is going to keep count on how many bags you use and render an accurate report to the city? The city has stated they may hire 12 people to manage the bag program. I hope they don’t plan to have those twelve run about town counting how many bags each person gets.

Obviously, another government move to collect more taxes. Excuse me, fees. And, what impact will it have on litter?

We no longer shop in Dallas, but if I lived there, I would try real hard not shop there. Knowing me as I do, if I shopped at WallyWorld, I would just put everything back into the shopping cart - not into bags. Then, I would load the cart into my pickup and drive home.

They don’t charge for shopping carts.

PMO
©2014

Explain

Way back in the 70s soldiers were called "baby killers" by protesters of the war in Vietnam. Yet, in 1973 the Supreme Court ruled women could have abortions.

Wasn’t it the same protesters that advocated abortion and condemned soldiers that were only fighting a war they were sent to?

Explain that to me.

PMO
©2014

She's Up To Something

My financial controller prepares my favorite meal about twice per year - fried pork chops, real mashed potatoes, black eye peas, sliced tomatoes, and green onions. Yes, I do keep count. Usually, these wonderful events happen in the summer and in the fall or winter. But this week, out of no where, there is was on the table. I might mention, the way you will be able to tell for sure if you really made it to heaven is, they will have fried pork chops, real mashed potatoes, black eye peas, sliced tomatoes, and green onions more than twice per year. Once a week couldn’t hurt.

Now I am concerned that she is up to something or has done something that is going to upset me terribly.

For the next week or two, I’m going to sleep with one eye open.

PMO
©2014