Charlie Brown Christmas

I read an article today that reminded me that back in 2010, the old days, ABC picked up the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. It is locked in through 2015. This is somewhat amazing in today’s society since the presentation contains a passage from the Gospel of Luke - King James Version - of the Bible.

Charlie Brown asks the question, "what is Christmas all about?" Linus quoted the verses from Luke’s account of the birth of Jesus. Then he said, "that’s it Charlie Brown, that’s what Christmas is all about."

I have been a Peanuts fan for many years. I remember when the Christmas Special came out in 1965. It was a low budget production even back then. Yet, it has been around every year since then. How could this simple little cartoon last so long?

The answer is simple. Linus said it best. He told the story of the birth of the Christ. That’s it.

People still like to hear that story.

Some TV executive recognized that and made a smart move. That’s once in a row.

©2011

A Nice Smile

I read today on Newsmax.com that a presidential candidate must have a nice smile to win. The article stated that communications consultant Jon Kraushar maintains that history shows winners are those whose smile conveys a positive message.

Kraushar cited research by UCLA Professor Albert Mehrabian indicating that non-verbal communication can be more important than what is actually said. One of the examples given was Ronald Regan’s smile and sparkling eyes.

This should be no surprise, because most Americans only see and/or hear a candidate on a television commercial. They don’t know the issues, but that man or woman has a nice smile. It’s all a part of body language.

I have been to a horse racing track twice in my lifetime. Both times it was connected to a work activity. Without realizing it, I used the smile theory to pick my two $2 bets - one at each visit. Other people had no more idea than I did about picking a horse. When they asked me, "how do you know which one to pick?" I replied, "just pick one with a nice smile." I lost four dollars.

So much for that idea.

PMO
©2011

Flash Rob

Flash mobs are usually sudden performances in public places. They are often coordinated via telecommunication, email or social media. The participants assemble, deliver their message and then disperse. I have seen several of them on YouTube and I’d guess you have too.

Now the trend is flash rob. That’s where a group of people descend upon a store and rob it while employees are helpless to deal with such a mob. Not long ago, a group of about 70 young people entered a 7 Eleven store in Silver Spring, Maryland and took merchandise while the clerk could do nothing but watch.

I was just wondering what would happen if a large group of seniors decided to pull off a flash rob. Naturally it would take a lot of planning. I mean, you have to consider some with walkers, wheel chairs, canes and all that. But, let’s say you could round up a hundred or so. Instead of tweets or text messages, after everyone got into the store, somebody could blow a whistle.

Can you imagine the dash to grab denture creams, body lotions, hemorrhoidal ointments, various pain relief rubs, hair dyes (especially the ones that make your hair blue) bunion pads, heating pads, adult diapers, cleansing wipes, those little rubber things that go on the end of a cane, band aids, prunes and anything with fiber, and finally all the beer and cigarettes they could carry off?

I’m not suggesting that anyone do this. I would not participate if invited - well, maybe. But I am saying that it would have to make the best video on YouTube.

I’ll be watching.

PMO
©2011

Thank You For The Call

I have noticed when I call some of my old friends they always end the conversation with, "thank you for the call." Truth is, my "old" friends that I’ve had for years, have gotten old. They don’t get a lot of phone calls I suppose.

People don’t call people much anymore. They just send an email joke or a text message or they do nothing to keep in touch. As evidenced by the decline in letters delivered by the Post Office, communication has changed. No one seems to have time to talk.

There was a time when "folks" sat on the porch and talked. It took time, but the end result was that all parties seemed to be a little happier and felt they had not wasted time.

Humans are social animals. They have an internal need to interact with others. But, the evolution of time constraints has slowly but surely changed all that. Young people think a ‘tweet’ is enough. Sure it takes only seconds to read one, not only because of the number of character limits, but what they have to say doesn’t often justify anymore time. Is this communication? Yes. Is it conversation? No.

I try to keep in touch with my friends by phone as often as I can. After the invention of caller ID, I discovered they often are not at home when I call.  Maybe they are busy tweeting or texting.

Maybe I should adopt the courtesy of saying, "thank you for your call." Problem is the only calls I get are from politicians and someone trying to sell me something.

It just doesn’t seem right to yell at them and tell them not to call me again, and end with "thank you for your call."

PMO
©2011

I Can't Believe

I have often commented, "I can’t believe that someone would be that stupid?" Well, I give up, I surrender, I can believe people will and do almost anything stupid. 
There are thousands or maybe millions of examples of things that people do that make you think, how stupid is that? The thousands or millions don’t include things politicians do - or the people that vote them into office.

Over the years, I have done a few stupid things. There are those that think everything I do is stupid. Stupid is defined by Webster as "given to unintelligent decisions or acts."

I remember a story about a fellow that lost a wheel from his vehicle in front of a mental institution. The lug nuts had come off and therefore the wheel fell off. He was at his wits end on what to do, when a resident looking through the fence offered, "take one lug nut off each of the three remaining wheels and put the wheel back on your vehicle." The man exclaimed, "that’s a great idea! I can’t believe you are locked away when you have such reasoning." The resident replied, "I am in here for being crazy, not stupid."

Why do people do stupid things? If you find out the answer, you will become a wealthy person, either by taking advantage of others or by selling a cure all.

Don’t try the cure on me. It won’t work.

Sometimes I do stupid things just to see what happens. At other times, I do stupid things so I can fit in.

PMO
©2011

Another Dog Event

Once again the grumpy old man ingenuity has prevailed. I had to keep the dogs again this week. The inside dog stayed with me, inside and the outside dog stayed at home.

I went over to check on the outside dog - give him food and water. There was a problem. There was no dog food - which I had also planned to bring some back for the inside dog. I phoned my daughter and asked if there was any dog food. She said she had bought some, but it was in her car. She would not be home until late in the day.

Let me explain. I pamper dogs. It seemed to me that they might be hungry before she got home. However, I did not want to go and buy a bag of food, since she already had. Oh, what to do?

Since it was near my lunch time, I had an idea. I drove to a fast food place and got myself a chili cheese dog with mustard and onions.

The dogs did not get the mustard and onions on theirs.

Problem solved.

PMO
©2011

Thanksgiving

Why do we celebrate a day called Thanksgiving? The answer is quite simple. It is a day to give thanks unto God. At least that is the way it started back in 1619 at Berkeley Plantation in Virginia.

Just like other Christian celebrations, Thanksgiving has evolved into a day to eat and watch football. America has forgotten God and we wonder why God seems to have forgotten about us.

I am not a religious fanatic, but I have often wondered what would happen if the nation truly stopped for a day and gave thanks - with no television.

"America has much for which to be thankful. The unequaled freedom enjoyed by our citizens has provided a harvest of plenty to this Nation throughout its history. In keeping with America's heritage, one day each year is set aside for giving thanks to God for all of His blessings. As we celebrate Thanksgiving, we should reflect on the full meaning of this day as we enjoy the fellowship that is so much a part of the holiday festivities. Searching our hearts, we should ask what we can do as individuals to demonstrate our gratitude to God for all He has done. Such reflection can only add to the significance of this precious day of remembrance. Let us recommit ourselves to that devotion to God and family that has played such an important role in making this a great Nation, and which will be needed as a source of strength if we are to remain a great people." Ronald Wilson Reagan
PMO
©2011

Catholic Problem

According to LifeNews.com, former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is upset. The nation’s Catholic bishops are protesting a potential Obama administration decision forcing insurance companies to cover birth control, contraception and drugs that could cause abortions.

Pelosi is quoted as saying about Catholics, "they have this conscience thing." This is the same person that said about the Obama health care bill, "we have to pass this bill so we can see what’s in it."

What can you say? You nasty Catholics need to get rid of your conscience.

I wonder what she says about the Baptist?  They probably couldn’t print that.

PMO
©2011

Water Does Not Reduce Dehydration

In case you missed it on Fox News, the European Union has proclaimed that water does not help prevent dehydration. In the UK a law goes into effect next month that prevents bottle water companies from stating on the labels that water can reduce the risk of dehydration.

From one that has experienced a lack of water, I say to the "scientist" that came up with this, just try to go without water for a few hours while working outside in high temperatures and humidity. It takes a lot of water to get over it.

Dehydration is by definition, a loss of water. Another way to say it is, absence of water is dehydration.

If water doesn’t reduce dehydration, then heat doesn’t prevent freezing. Just so you’ll know, there is no such thing as cold, only the absence of heat.

How about this? Light does not reduce dark. Again, there is no such thing as dark, only the absence of light.

Conclusion: science can make up anything they want to. The question is, do you believe it?

If you do, then don’t drink water. Remember, all drinks have water. If they didn’t, they would be dehydrated.

PMO
©2011

I Have A Problem

I have a problem. I think logically. Try as I will, I can’t control it. If there is professional help in this area, I don’t know about it. Perhaps I will contact Dr. Phil and see if I can appear on his show and get his help. Let me explain.

My daughter called today and talked to my financial controller. She explained to her that she and the family were going out of town. Should it start to rain, we should go to their house and get the dog that normally stays inside but would be outside. Or, she offered to bring the dog by to us, to which my controller said "No."

Here is where my problem comes into play. I asked why she didn’t want them to bring the dog by. It seems that would be the best solution. The other option is to wait until it’s pouring rain, then we have to go and get out into the rain to get a muddy wet dog and put him in the car. Her reply, "I don’t want to put up with him right now."

The plot thickens. Daughter, now on the road for an hour or two calls and says the dog is inside the house in his kennel. He refused to come out so they left him there. Danger: logical thinking overcomes me again. There are four people in that house, all of them bigger than a seven pound dog. Any one of them or surely all of them together could have taken that dog out of the kennel and put him in the back yard.

Are you ready for this part? My financial controller goes to get the dog. However there is another problem. The code for the garage opener won’t work. It didn’t work earlier in the week when I was there and asked my daughter for a battery to replace the one that was obviously run down. She said she had one and would replace it in a few minutes.

The wife has to go to a store and buy a battery. She replaced the battery and got into the house. Said dog is in the kennel. I don’t know how much of a fight he put up but she did return with him, and neither showed any signs of a struggle.

If you can offer me any help with my problem, I would appreciate it.

It didn’t rain.

PMO
©2011

Break A Leg

It’s been awhile since I’ve been to see a school play - last year to be exact. Every year since my daughter was old enough to be in a play, I have sat through uncomfortable chairs, forgotten lines, bad sound, poor lighting, questionable directing and worn out recorded music.

With the granddaughters it has been no different. Just like their mother, they are the stars of the performance - at least from where I sit. That was the case today too.

Having a little background in public performance, I have always been intrigued by the term, "break a leg." Yes, I know it means to perform so well you get to take a bow. It just sounds strange. I mean, to do good you get something bad - a broken leg? That makes me think that if you really do good, you get something really bad.

I told my granddaughter, "put an eye out." She looked at me strangely. She always looks at me strangely.

So does everyone else.

PMO
©2011

Since You Were Born

Would you rather be the king of England in the 1500s or the poorest person in America today? Have you ever stopped and thought about all the things that have been invented or discovered since you were born?

It’s no wonder why young people look at older folks in wonder when they tell tales about the good old days. They have no point of reference. Young people think that all the ‘stuff’ that’s around today has always been around - like indoor plumbing and Wi-Fi.

Not to reveal my age, but I do remember people that did not have indoor plumbing. I remember when we had electricity that worked sometimes. That’s why we had a battery operated radio - entertainment in its purest form.

Allow me to name a few of the ‘wonders’ that have come along since I discovered America: Television, ball point pens, microwave ovens, computers, clothes dryers, fluorescent lights, WD-40 and duct tape. None of these were here when I got here.

Just think of all the improvements over the years, like crew-cab pickups and electric toothbrushes. And, medical advances alone are absolutely mind boggling.

Now think about someone that was born just ten years ago. They grow up thinking the internet and HD TV were always around, like it came over with Columbus.

I am person that does not especially like change, but am in amazement of all the good changes that have occurred in my life time.

However, I still don’t ‘tweet’ and I never will.

PMO
©2011

Might Be

I am a Jeff Foxworthy fan - especially the ‘might be a redneck’ part of his act. So today, I thought I would try my hand at writing a few that I have not heard.

If you have two mailboxes and one is mounted on a pole ten feet in the air and it is marked ‘air mail’ and you check it for mail everyday, you might be a redneck.

If you have ever used Preparation H on your face as a wrinkle remover, you might be a redneck.

If your church takes a smoke break between the singing and the preaching, you might be a redneck.

If you miss your daughter’s wedding because the fish were biting, you might be a redneck.

If you trade your pickup for a boat and it’s twenty miles to the lake, you might be a redneck.

If the only pictures you have on Facebook are of your hunting dogs, you might be a redneck.

If you see nothing strange about all these, you might be a redneck.

PMO
©2011

Atheists?

According to CNSNews.com, atheists and humanists serving in the U.S. military want their own chaplains. Let that soak in for a moment. Reportedly there is an organized push for official recognition of chaplains for those that don’t believe in life after death. Former Army Captain, Jason Torpy, president of the Military Association of Atheists and Freethinkers, says there may be as many as 40,000 troops that should have the support system.

When I was in the Army - not the Continental Army either - I never met any atheists. I did know some that had ‘no preference’ on their dog tags. When asked about that, the reply I always got was something like, "if the time comes, I just don’t want to waste time looking for somebody to come."

Until the 1970s military service academies required cadets to attend chapel services. There is or at least was a religious history to the U.S. military.

And, the American Atheists have announced they will again place "You Know it’s a Myth" billboards in New Jersey. This year they report there also will be signs in Ohio and Florida.

Okay! These people want to proclaim that God does not exist. The age old question is, "how can you deny existence without provoking thought that it must be true."

The American Atheists have been around since 1963. God was here first. So far as the military goes, it has often been said, "there are no atheists in a fox-hole."

I suppose that when they die they’ll just end up in a compost pile. Doesn’t sound like much fun to me.

How can any human think the way of atheists? Maybe it’s their diet.

PMO
©2011

Old People Organization

I have lunch with a group of old people once per month. I mean older than me - at least most of them are. We just eat, take up space in the restaurant, and solve the problems of the world. After two years of these gatherings, I have concluded they are grumpier than I am - well maybe not.

It is obvious to me that people are upset with everything the government does or does not do. Actually, they are more than upset.

So, I have decided to organize all the old people in the country. There are already hundreds if not thousands of organizations for seniors. The problem with them is that each one has focused on one or two objectives. My organization will focus on everything - all at the same time. Whatever a person’s interest or concern may be, we’ll include it.

I have already carefully selected the name for the movement - er, organization. You have to be careful using the word ‘movement’ around old people. It is a name that will encompass the sentiments of how old people truly feel.

POOP

That’s right - POOP. It stands for Pissed Off Old People. Our moto for all politicians is, "If you don’t do what we want you to, we’ll poop on you - at the polls."

Tell all your old friends and get them to sign up. All they have to do is hit the comment button.

Want to buy a bumper sticker?

PMO
©2011

Super Powers

Look! Up in the air! It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s SUPERMAN! What boy or girl for that matter hasn’t day dreamed about having super powers. Faster than a speeding bullet. You could get the lawn done in a few seconds.

If you could choose any super power, what would you choose. It doesn’t have to be the ones we’ve seen in the comics or on TV or at the movies. I was asked that question by a screener for participation in a national survey. She was quite surprised with my answer.

I don’t want to be invisible, although it does have advantages, like when someone wants you to do something. Nor would I particularly want to bend steel with my bare hands. Being able to fly through the air like a bird would only be nice during rush hour. Even then you would have to deal with bugs on your goggles and between your teeth. I hate spiders so I wouldn’t be impressed with "Spiddy’s" powers. Don’t want to have Wonder Woman’s qualities, because for one thing, I would look silly in that outfit.

Have you thought what your super powers would be? I surprised the screener with this answer. If I could have one super power, it would be the ability to look inside other humans and see their true character.

I wonder what I would see?

PMO
©2011

Thanksgiving Turkey Tip

Have you always wanted to cook a turkey that looked like the ones they show in a magazine? Well, you can. And, you can save energy too.

A number of years ago a lady at our church gave us a recipe for cooking a turkey. It sounds crazy but it works. I like crazy things that work since my life is crazy.

The trick is that you have to follow directions. This is especially difficult for me. First and foremost you must use a black or dark blue granite pan to cook the turkey. No other pan will work - period. The pan must be large enough to hold a 12-18 pound turkey with the lid closed snugly. I have actually used wire to hold the lid shut when a turkey was slightly large.

Obviously you need a turkey. The ideal size is about 14-16 pounds. It must be fresh or thawed completely. You should take out the plastic bag with the giblets and neck. If you don’t you will be sorry.

Next you will need two medium red apples, two medium white onions, and two stalks of celery, cut in half. Quarter the apples and the onions.

Place the onions, apples and celery inside the cavity of said turkey. Rub some butter on the bird - not too much or it will burn.

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees. Don’t ‘chicken’ out now. Put the turkey inside the pan and be sure that the lid sits down completely. Now, place the pan in the oven and leave it alone for an hour and a half. DO NOT open the oven. At the end of the time, turn off the oven. DO NOT open the oven door for at least 8 hours.

We always do this at night and leave the bird to cook til the next morning. If your oven has a good seal, you will need potholders to get the pan out even after several hours.

The result will be a perfectly browned bird with lots of juices for dressing, provided you followed directions and the oven door seal is good.

I have mentioned more than once that this blog is about whatever I think about at the time I write. Obviously I am thinking about Thanksgiving dinner. I think about that a lot.

If you try this and it fails, I have a chili recipe. It takes six hours and you can’t sleep while it cooks.

PMO
©2011

Remotes

At my abode, we have ten remote control devices for watching television. This includes movie player equipment. Why hasn’t someone universalized a remote that can operate all the TV brands, models, and auxiliary equipment? The short answer to that question will always be ‘money.’ Just think how much profit there is in remote controllers - especially if you lose one.

How much simpler life would be with only one remote. Surely if we can make cell phone that handle thousands or millions of applications, a remote should be a snap. NO!

I’ve had universal remotes. Some will control some devices, but those must be the ones I don’t have. I have remotes for TV boxes, cable boxes, recorder boxes, DVD players and plain old TVs.

I suppose it could be worse. Like in the old days when you had to get up and change the channel on the TV set.

Someone needs to make it their life’s work to invent a truly universal super duper remote. They could make millions.

I would also like mine to control clocks and raise the garage door.

PMO
©2011

Clocks

With the recent daylight savings time change, I had to go about the place and reset the clocks. I am the official time keeper here. In my humble abode, there are 16 time keeping devices. Now, some of them change to DST automatically, but about half of them don’t.

The problem is, I don’t really know what time it is. None of the clocks are in sync with the others. There is always a few seconds, even a minute  or two difference including computer and telephone clocks.

Before you tell me that I need one of those official super satellite clocks, I have two. They don’t always agree.

Someone said that if you have two clocks, you will never know what time it is. With 16, I don’t have a chance. Maybe that’s why the television shows don’t start or end when they are supposed to.

I should do what my financial controller does. She chooses the clock that has the time closest to what time she wants it to be.

She’s never late. I am always early.

PMO
©2011

Veterans Day

What should one say to a veteran on Veterans Day?
"Thank you."

Divided

Let’s see. The "choice" people are against the "pro-life" people. The liberals oppose the conservatives. Unions hate right to work folks. Voter ID required proponents are challenged by those that don’t want that. The poor are at war with the rich. All the minorities cry racist to everyone - including another minority. Democrats disdain Republicans. The North does not like the South. Anti-war activist spit at the hawks. Workers hate free riders. Entitlement recipients hate anyone that opposes giving to them. Non-smokers hate smokers. The Federal Government resents State Governments. Citizens are against government at all levels. Environmentalist hate the drill baby drill supporters. Sports fans detest the other team. Religions argue with one another. Gays and straights battle. Women hate men.

What is America to do? Everybody is against everybody. The only common bond we seem to have is that everyone hates lawyers.

It was them that got us all into this mess. Wasn’t it?

PMO
©2011

Vote By iPad

The people in Oregon have been voting by mail for years. It all began with trials in some local elections back in 1981. Now, they want to vote by iPad. According to the Associated Press, election workers are spreading out in five counties to nursing homes, community centers and anywhere else there may be people that don’t or can’t vote by mail.

According to the story, the election workers ‘help’ the voter use the iPad to cast a ballot, it is printed on a portable printer, signed by the voter and the worker drops it in the mail.

Sound like a great idea? I don’t think so. Before you get your panties all in a wad, let me say clearly that I believe every citizen of sound mind - if there are any left - could and should vote. I am lead to believe that every state makes provisions to allow for everyone to vote.

The problem I have is the obvious. If the workers ‘help’ a voter to vote, is there a reasonable opportunity for that worker to influence or even cast the ballot for a ‘preferred’ candidate? Oh silly me. Surely there are no unethical workers.

Yes, there are ‘safeguards’ such as the voter must be registered and sign the ballot envelope. That signature is to be compared with the one on file at the registration office. Don’t know about you, but I’m not qualified to compare signatures. Oregon must be full of qualified people though.

In the daily drivel on the op-ed page, William Galston, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution, advocates requiring all citizens to vote. Obviously we are hoping that means those of ‘sound mind.’ I still don’t how many would qualify, if any.

Voting is still one of the few rights we have left. I believe that to exercise that right, one should be required to complete an exam that proves he or she understands some basics about the issues or candidates. While this will never happen, it certainly would change the course of government at all levels.

As for voting by mail or by iPad, what happens if the postal union goes on strike or the batteries go dead in the iPad?

Also, who pays the postage? We all know the answer to that. Isn’t that another tax?

PMO
©2011

Lookout Seniors

According to an Associated Press story today, the wealth gap between young and old is the widest ever. The story by Hope Yen states that a household headed by someone age 65 or older has a net worth 47 times greater than a household headed by someone under age 35.

The story includes a comment from Henry Holzer, a labor economist and public policy professor at Georgetown University. He said, "It makes us wonder whether the extraordinary amount of resources we spend on retirees and their health care should be at least partially reallocated to those who are hurting worse than them" - speaking of the wealth gap between young and old.

The story goes on to describe how the horrible seniors have saved and invested and paid off as much debt as they can. Many are still working because they can’t afford to retiree.

If you are genuinely interested in the story, it is on-line and in most of the major papers. I just thought you should know about this effort by the media to establish another battlefront in class warfare.

What’s next in the ‘occupy’ movement - nursing homes, senior centers or hospitals specializing in geriatric care?

If this sounds like insanity, it is because it is insanity.

Warning to ‘occupiers’ - a young man will fight you, but an old man will just kill you.

PMO
©2011

DST

We are back on God’s time and not daylight savings time. I have never been a fan of daylight time and am lead to believe that this may be one of those rare cases where I am in the majority. Daylight savings time does not save daylight nor energy. It does create an opportunity for more retail sales. Follow the money. Always follow the money.

Daylight time is very much like cutting a foot off one end of a blanket and sewing it on the opposite end to make the blanket longer.

Hawaii and most of Arizona do not observe daylight savings time. They have all the daylight they want.

Aside from all the reasonable and rational arguments to DST, I, being an animal lover, have always wondered about roosters. Roosters have a job, crow at daylight to let everyone know it’s daylight. They are natures alarm clock. But in all the years and all the studies into the effects of DST I have yet to see any research into the psychological impact on roosters.

Does no one care about how roosters feel when they, which have no clocks, begin to announce daylight and realize that everyone is already up.

We have a neighbor that had a rooster. Every morning at sunrise, he would crow. But as time progressed he stopped.

I don’t know if he went into therapy or just died of a broken heart.

PMO
©2011

Skin A Cat

With all the groups opposing government there are many paths and methods developed to attain whatever the goal is for each one. Tea party folks want fiscal responsibility, and the flea party wants government to give them more free stuff. Each one has chosen an action to get what they want. Since these are only two examples, and there are thousands of others, the ways to get the goals all contain variables.

When it comes to reforming government, I am reminded of an old adage, "there is more than one way to skin a cat."

The truth is, there is no way that the cat will like.

PMO
©2011

Where Have All The Average People Gone?

Several years ago, Roger Miller recorded a song titled "Where Have All The Average People Gone?" Apparently no one has come up with an answer to the question. At least no one has released the answer in a country song.

The lyrics observed that rich people thought the singer was poor, but the poor people thought he was rich. Some called him a sinner while others thought he was a preacher. The government thought of him as a number, but his wife viewed him as life and breath. But by his own statement, he was just trying to get along.

Average people used to work to provide for families, go to church on Sunday, do their best to help family, friends and neighbors, and make life a little better for all those they encountered. They had problems and trials, but they didn’t get on TV proclaiming they were victims or everyone else is to blame. Average people had dignity and modesty. And most had at least some morality.

The lyrics of that song included the line, "funny I don’t fit, where have all the average people gone?"

If you find them, please let me know.

PMO
©2011

TV Cost Too Much

I suppose a majority of people today have cable, satellite or some TV provider. Our house is connected through the phone line. We get phone, TV and internet all on one little wire. The problem is that the little wire seems to get a lot of kinks in it. And, the cost is ridiculous.

My "bundle" cost a bundle every month. I pay more for phone, TV and internet than I do for my electric service - I have an all electric house.

As I have heretofore testified I don’t watch much television. When the set is on, it is on a favorite local channel, 99% of the time. But, my financial controller insists that we subscribe to the over 200 channel package. My question of "why" have never been answered. When I point out that almost half of the 200 channels are just music stations, it is not a valid argument against paying so much. And, pointing out that we only watch one or at the most two channels, all I get is comments like, "well we have the other channels to watch if we want to." I have never wanted to.

My conclusion is that the marketing people for the providers of TV service are all women. They know full well that the like species will jump on a package with bunches of channels like a shoe sale.

She has shoes that she has never worn.

I have two pair and I’m still only going to watch one channel. So there!

PMO
©2011

Things Learned Watching TV

Yogi Berra said, "you can observe a lot by just watching." Well, you can learn a lot by just watching television, and I’m not talking about the cable channels. Truth is that I don’t watch much TV, maybe an hour or so per day. Therefore, I admit I may not be an expert on what it is that the networks are trying to communicate. But, here are just a few of the things that I am barraged with every time I turn on the set:

Sex is the most important thing to everybody - men, women and children. It is perfectly normal to talk about sex at all times and engage in sex with any and everybody. Mixed company conversations should always include reference to male genitalia with an occasional mention of female biological functions.

While we are on sex, homosexual behavior is normal, acceptable and should be taught to children before they choose a heterosexual lifestyle. Even in "straight" male bonding, there is nothing wrong with a little kissing and touching.

Everyone should use language that used to be offensive and forbidden except in the men’s locker room. I don’t remember George Carlin’s seven words not to say, but I think I’ve heard most of them on one sit-com or another.

Women are physically stronger and tougher than men and crave sex more. They are also a lot smarter and more often are portrayed in the role of boss - I already knew that.

Everyone should be tolerant of others except Christians, Jews and conservative rational logical thinkers.

Celebrities are much smarter than people who spend all their time learning and working, so whatever they say is the "gospel."

Normal people take drugs, drink alcohol by the gallon and really don’t know who their real parents are.

As I said, I only watch TV very few hours per week. Maybe if I watched more I could learn a lot more.

The lesson I have learned from TV is that I am not normal.

I knew that.

PMO
©2011

7 Billion

In case you live in a cave and haven’t heard, the population of the world is now seven billion. I don’t know who counted, but I’m not going to ask for a recount.

To put this into perspective, I naturally have questions. Does this mean that in the future we will have to apply for a parking space when we’re born? At birth, should a baby be issued a birth certificate and a number for faster service - now serving 699,999,999,999? Just how long we will have to wait to get into the rest room? If only half work, what are the others going to do all day?  They may have to stand because we will soon run out of room to sit down.  And, will Walmart have to open all the registers?

This is a mind boggling thing. And, in just a few years, the numbers persons say there will be ten billion.

I hope they don’t all move to my burg. I think we have an ordinance against it.

PMO
©2011