Security Report

As some of you may have figured out by now, I look at everything differently. Today, I offer this example. We get a monthly report from our community, compound, commune or whatever it is that we live in. I read the security report and will now update you on some of what happened during the past month.

During the past month, there have been 13 emergency medical service calls. These were caused by sick people.

There were 4 loose dogs reported and 2 barking dogs. I do not know if the barking dogs were barking at the loose dogs.

There was one incident of dog verses cat. No mention of which one won. The cat does want a rematch.

There was a possible theft of 5 gallons of gas. Now that prices are down, this crime wave is expected to slow down.

There were two suspicious circumstances reported. So that’s why security is now following me around.

There were two door to door solicitation incidents. At the average age of the residents, I don’t think they can go out to be solicited.

There were two golf cart misbehaves. Both carts have been sternly talked to. If they misbehave again, it may be necessary to let the air out of their tires.

I am not making these up. I did add the comments on my own.

And, I didn’t even mention the vandalism. A stone lion was overturned or a stoned lion overturned. I have not seen any lions but that does not mean they don’t come here to get stoned.

The reason for such a low crime report is that we have our own militia. There are hundreds of old men that have to get up in the middle of the night to go pee, so there is always somebody on duty. And, they are armed. Everyone has a set of golf clubs.

You do not want to be smacked with a nine iron.

PMO
©2013